Tuesday, July 31, 2007

This One's For Kerry

SEVEN PRONGS?!

I listened to your voice mail and laughed hysterically for, like, 10 minutes.

Love you, Ker!!!!

Kansas City....

So I'm tentatively planning to be in Kansas City on August 18 & 19. I was *hoping* that maybe all of you KC (and surrounding area) bloggers might like to get together for a lil' soiree at some point during my trip. Maybe an early afternoon thing on the 19th?

If you're in, post a comment...

Monday, July 30, 2007

Holy Busy

I have been so busy for the past four days that I didn't have any sort of couch potato time in which I could catch up on The Closer or Big Brother or, like, the nine million episodes of Property Ladder and Moving Up (thanks, TLC, I'm obsessed) that are currently overloading my DVR.

I did, however, have time to discover this amazing Bucket o' Mojito thing at World Market. Mmmm... tasty.

Friday, July 27, 2007

Moving on...

Ok, so I'm putting all of the unpleasantness from the week behind me. And now it's time for some fun. Here's what's on tap for the weekend:
  1. Bunco tonight with my DG alumni sisters. Woot!
  2. Pug Meetup tomorrow. Hopefully Lola's boyfriend will show up.
  3. Dancing tomorrow night with Jenelle and a group of ladies from another department at work. It's been awhile since I did that.
  4. Brunch at the art museum with Jill on Sunday. And probably some TJ Maxx or Target time, cause that's how we roll.

Have a fabulous weekend everyone!!

And thanks for your words of encouragement. :) Y'all rock.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

Things I Don't Get #302

People who still wear fanny packs.

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

DUNZO!

So. The Crush/The Ass and I are officially over. Finito. No mas.

It ended rather anticlimactically (is that a word) - he called me Sunday night and apologized profusely. Gave weird (like REALLY weird- implausible weird) reasons why he was unable to call me on Saturday (when he STOOD ME UP!). Asked me to call him from Ohio (btw, I'm in Ohio). I called. Left a message. Haven't heard back. So today, in a display of pure wussiness, I sent him an email.

Yeah, yeah, I know. An email. But here's the thing, y'all - it's sort of been talked to death between him and I before. We've had some weird issues that most couples (if we ever were actually considered such a thing!) don't experience in the first three months of dating. And so with me being the overtalker/oversharer, etc. that I am, I've tried to be really open and talk about issues as they arose. It obviously hasn't done much good. So I didn't really feel like having another exhausting conversation about the whole thing. So I carefully composed an email that I thought was fair, well thought out and essentially said that if things remained the status quo, I didn't think it was a good situation. Though I did offer him the opportunity to suggest how we might make it right.

How did he respond?

Four sentences:

You make a good point. This probably won't work. This type of thing happens too often regardless of blame: earrings, the talk on Thursday, the Saturday thing, and your periodic angry text messages, emails, and voicemails. Take care.

Wow. Thank you. Really. For exemplifying EXACTLY why this was over. Way to take ZERO responsibility for anything. Like standing me up, disappearing for days at a time, lying and in general being someone completely untrustworthy and kind of a pompous, immature, inexperienced ass. Hence the name (The Ass). And if any angry message of any sort was ever left, it was because of the behavior described above. And I wouldn't call them angry. More like sarcastic and biting.

So there you have it. It's done.

And truthfully, I feel like a HUGE weight has been lifted off my shoulders. So if anyone is available, I'm free for cocktails tonight to celebrate.

Sunday, July 22, 2007

I Want Charles in Charge of Me


So there's a new show on VH1 called Scott Baio is 45... and Single. And I find it hilarious for a multitude of reasons.

First, it's a reality show about Scott Baio. SCOTT FREAKIN' BAIO!

Second, Scott is 45 and single and afraid of commitment and is a compulsive cheater. And he's on TV admitting this.

Third, Jason Hervey is one of his best friends. You may remember Jason from The Wonder Years where he played Kevin's jerky older brother, Wayne. We also share the same birthday, along with Candace Cameron of Full House fame.

Fourth, one of Scott's assignments from a life coach he has hired to help him straighten himself out is to reconcile with old girlfriends to find out what went wrong and to apologize to them for any wrongdoing. This includes girlfriends like Julie McCullough, best known as Mike Seaver's girlfriend, Julie Costello, on Growing Pains. She was the girlfriend who was also Chrissy's nanny and the Seavers took her on a cruise.

I have no idea how I know/remember all of these completely useless facts. I can't remember the plot of a movie that I saw two months ago, yet I can recall an entire Growing Pains story line (and the theme song in its entirety).

Nonetheless, Scott Baio is 45... and Single is my new guilty pleasure of the summer. At least until The Hills returns.

Saturday, July 21, 2007

Ugh.

In all of the dating I've managed to squeeze into the past 10 years, I have never been stood up.

Until tonight.

Yup, The Crush stood me up. We made plans on Thursday night and today... nothing. No phone call. No explanation. Nothing.

So I think, unless he has a reason similar to "I was in the hospital after a near-fatal car accident," he no longer deserves the title of The Crush.

More like The Ass.

I am so done. So, so, so done.

And now I'm going to go cry for a bit.

Friday, July 20, 2007

Pownce!

I feel special because my friend, Matt, sent me an invite to join Pownce. It's invite-only at this point, which basically makes me feel like one of the cool kids.

I have six invites of my own, so I thought I'd offer them up to you guys first, since you are all pretty tech-savvy and I think you're cool too.

If you're interested, leave a comment or send me an email.

Yowza! I've been tagged!

Erin tagged me. Oye! Now I must reveal 8 secrets. So basically, it's kind of like any other day here at ACGIK...
  1. I obsessively read the engagements and wedding announcements in every Sunday's newspaper. I make snap judgments about each couple, their financial status, how tacky or nice their wedding might have been and whether or not their marriage will last.
  2. I really, really like Fergie.
  3. I'm still actually really kind of frustrated and hurt over the whole friend break-up with Carly. And the complication that it brings to my situation with The Crush only makes it more frustrating. I really need to just stop thinking about it altogether. And that is the one and only serious and/or deeply personal thing that I'm going to discuss on this list.
  4. I kind of think my dog is a person. A very hairy, very small person.
  5. I check my Blackberry at 3 am when I wake up to pee and read my emails. And then I forget about them in the morning and read them again.
  6. I once jell-o wrestled (fully clothed! keep your minds out of the gutter!) at a college party after explicitly instructing Martine to not let me jump in the jell-o filled kiddie pool because I knew it was exactly the kind of thing I would want to do after drinking large quantities of "jungle juice" (ah... jungle juice). She warned me not to do it, but true to form, I went for it anyway. I was stained red for two days.
  7. I'm afraid of dolls. They give me the creeps. I'm also afraid of weeds and the sprouts that grow on potatoes as they go bad. I can't buy potatoes for this reason.
  8. I want to be a private investigator and my pal/ex-bf, Aaron, and I laugh about this for days because he comes up with secret missions for me to help hone my PI skills. Plus, I am really good at eavesdropping, general snooping and nosiness. And, As Andy once put it, I have a PhD in Google.
Ok, so now I'm going to tag all of you who blog because I really want to know what your 8 secrets are. Because, ya know, I'm nosy like that.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Good Things

  1. C.O. Bigelow menthol body wash with peppermint oil. It seriously cools you off after a workout and makes you smell minty. Which is kind of nice and also kind of weird.
  2. Brie on baguette. Delish.
  3. Kim Crawford Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc ($18 or so)
  4. The now defunct TV show Firefly, living on through DVDs that The Crush and I have been watching. I never thought that I would like Sci-Fi, but apparently I kinda do. More specifically, I like Nathan Fillion.
  5. Gap Body's cheeky hipster. Ladies, you know what I mean.
  6. Lola.
  7. Planet Sub's Green Turkey sandwich. Hold the salsa and the onions.
  8. Jazzercise.
  9. Delta Gamma.
  10. My Kiss Me I'm Irish shirt that I wear regularly, even though I'm not Irish and it's not St. Patty's day.
  11. The Mentee.
  12. Free lunch.
  13. Summer cable TV series - Rescue Me on FX, The Closer on TNT, and Weeds on Showtime.
  14. Tennis. I'm taking lessons.
  15. My friend Matt earning himself a really fantastic opportunity in Washington, D.C. Which is fabulous for him but kinda sad for me because then I won't have anyone to share crazy marketing ideas with or make fun of people that we went to school with. Only he can fully appreciate Jeanine in all of her wonder.
  16. Fast Company magazine. Post coming shortly regarding bottled water. Pretend to be excited.
  17. Air conditioning.
  18. Sleep.

Blah.

I quit. I'm giving up on relationships. They're too confusing.

Do you men come with a decoder ring? Cause I'll buy a lifetime supply of Lucky Charms if they're the prize in the box.

I also really like the marshmallows.

My Mentee

A month or so ago, something rather exciting happened at work. We got an intern. Yes, an intern. Which is pretty great on many levels, including that I can dump menial tasks on him without feeling guilty.

But even better is the fact that he's a really great kid - ridiculously smart, funny, cute, and incredibly kind. In fact, were I six years younger, I would totally be crushing on him.

Interns here at the corporate office of Really Big Company, Inc. are paired up with mentors. And my boss decided that I would make a good mentor and he knew that I would take great delight in molding the fragile mind of one of America's youth. He might be regretting that now...

The Intern and I have become fast friends and co-conspirators, not to mention cube-mates (he's my first!). He calls me "Mentoir" (mentor with a French twist because, as he said it, "Mentor sounds too masculine and you like fashion and that's kinda French") and I call him "Mentee."

We set up meeting requests to do things like discuss where we're going to lunch or if we need to have a heart to heart (or "H to H") to deal with office drama. I help him with his intern project, which is a fantastic marketing project that they've assigned to science and accounting interns. So his science brain and my marketing brain work together to come up with some pretty cool ideas. He puts up with my girl talk and communicating via song lyrics. Sung, of course. He's dealt with my jazzercise performances and faux tap dance and incessant throwing of random office supplies at his back, balloon tossing, snorting when I laugh, general craziness and the occasional playing with my dancing hamster.

Best compliement ever - when he pulled me aside for an H to H right after I had a particularly rough day because I felt picked on for being different. And by different, I mean that I'm outgoing, kinda goofy and have more pizazz than most of my co-workers. He told me that he was proud of me for always being myself and being fun and silly in an office full of non-sillys. He said that I make him look forward to coming to work each day and I'm easy to work with. I even remind him of his older sisters. And that he and I should always have open communication and tell each other what we think. And he likes being my mentee.

Greatest. Feeling. Ever.

I told him that he made my day. Then I said something about warm fuzzies and he rolled his eyes and got back to work.

Being a mentor pretty much kicks ass.

Tuesday, July 17, 2007

Preach It, Rev Run!

As you all know, watching MTV is part of my other job. So it should be no surprise that I watch (and like) Run's House. If you've ever tuned in, you know that Rev Run ends every epsiode with a bubble bath, typing an inspirational email to his friends on his Blackberry.

Well, I happen to be a recipient of these emails. Don't get all excited - I signed up for them online as part of the job. Really. I swear.

So usually, I skim them, feel mildly inspired and then go on about my bizness... But today's message seemed aimed right at me:

Good morning. You must despise where you are before you will ever be where you want to be! You will never change your location until you determine your EXACT destination. If you REALLY want a marriage and a family you must persist! How much do you hate being alone? How much do you hate where you live? How much do you hate living a mediocre life?(Remember!!!!!!) THE PROOF OF DESIRE IS PURSUIT!!
God is Love
Rev Run

INSOMNIA

I think I have it.

Boo.

Monday, July 16, 2007

I'm Like Barbara Walters, Only Lazier

So... I'm interviewing Davis from The Real World - Denver tomorrow night.

Any questions that you'd like answered? I'll ask anything, I swear.

I mean, this is the kid that broke up Lance Bass and Reichen Lehmkul. I am not passing up any opportunities to get the scoop.

Perez
linked to me once. Let's see if we can make it happen again.

Post your questions... NOW!

My Secret Celebrity Crush #1

Sure, Sarah Silverman would kick my ass. But I love him. Purr...

Guess What Time it Is?

Time for a midly (yes, midly, not mildly) drunken post! Woot!

So in my short, three year span of life in Wichita, I've managed to make some pretty awesome friends. Including the owner of a liquor store. Yes, you read that correctly. The Owner of a Liquor Store. His name is Paul and he sent out an email to his peeps (yes, peeps) with a list of discontinued wines that are heavily discounted. Of course, I scoped out every Sauvignon Blanc (I really should start drinking something else. Maybe a nice Pino Grigio for the summer?) and asked him to order me up a bottle of each. Let's face it, I cannot resist a sale. A wine sale? Pshaw! Like I'm turning that sh*t down?

So I picked up my three bottle bounty (yes, bounty) and what do I find? They taste like ass so far. Really. I see why they're discontinued. This is not the joyous New Zealand Sauvignon Blanc treat that I was expecting. This is ass in a bottle.

But, because I'm dedicated, I will drink on. Drink on, dear readers! I am on bottle two and expect that I will uncork (or untwist that handy little screwtop cap) bottle three on Friday.

You'd all be happy to know that I am planning a wine tasting event for my sorority alumnae group. And who better to be at the helm of such an occasion?! I mean, really....

Thirty-two bottles (ok, that's a rough estimate) of Sauvignon Blanc down... many more to go....

It's pretty much my favorite animal

Look what I found today at Target:


Flippin' sweet.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Wanna Waste Some Time?

I somehow found myself spending two hours playing the World Series of Pop Culture online, thanks to VH1. It's perfect for someone who once came in second on a PAX network game show and ended up with an embarrassing fifteen minutes of national television time AND a six CD set of Classic Rock Hits courtesy of Time-Life.

Check it out here if you're so inclined.

Frustration

I am so frustrated.

It kinda falls into three categories:

1. The Crush
2. Work
3. Everything else.

I wish I could go into details on all of this, but I can't. So there ya go. A lame ass post about nothing because I can't talk about it.

Thursday, July 12, 2007

Things I Don't Get #297

People who do not observe the social norm also known as "the buffer zone."

Example #1: If there are three stalls in, say, your workplace restroom and you take the first one because, hello, everyone knows that it's the least germy, should someone enter after you, they should always take the stall on the end, thus allowing the middle stall to serve as the buffer zone. This allows for what little semblance of privacy remains when sitting in a room with another human while your pants and undies are around your ankles.

Example #2: Should a movie theater be nearly empty and you happen to be sitting in the back row near the middle, the next patrons to enter should, under absolutely no circumstances, sit directly next to or in front of you. Furthermore, as the theater fills up, there should be at least one seat between you and and a patron with whom you have no relationship whatsoever.

Hello, social norms. Observe them.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Guylossary, Part 2

The Nice Guy: His last name was Kay, which made me leery because, really, Shea Kay just sounds ridiculous. He was a pretty successful film guy. Owned a home in LA (an amazing feat for someone under 30) and took me out on lots of dates. Like, LOTS of dates. Our relationship was just a long succession of dates. The poor guy had lots of physical ailments while we were together - asthma attacks, bloody noses, diarrhea (this one is just a guess, but I'm pretty confident based on the noises coming from his stomach that I could hear from THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CAR). Current status: Still single. Still asthmatic. Still nice.

The Air Force Guy: Took me out on two dates and then it suddenly turned into fatal attraction. I had just found out that I got the job in LA and was moving in, oh, three days. He freaked out. You would have thought we'd been dating for years. I told him about the move over salads at Pluto's in Davis. He looked like he might cry. He called me for awhile after that. I never answered. Weirdest thing about the guy - he had photos from his trips overseas, only every photo was just of him. Him standing in front of some monument. Him eating dinner. Him drinking a beer. Hello, disturbing. Current status: Crazy.

The Computer Geek: Now, I love me some geek. Let's get that straightened out first. But I suddenly developed a crush on a geeky co-worker and the next thing you knew, he was crushing on me. Aside from several random kisses and a quasi-date, it never really went anywhere. But I think that was probably a good thing because a) he is the most forgetful human being on the planet and b) he does laundry like once every three months. Stinky and forgetful don't really do it for me. Current status: Still friends.

The Gay Straight Man: Ever watch Sex & The City? Remember when Charlotte starts to date her friend that she had always assumed was gay? He was a pastry chef and about fainted while making her breakfast when a rat darted across the kitchen floor. It was he who jumped up on a chair and started screaming, not Charlotte. And it ended. This was pretty much the same scenario with The Gay Straight Man except he wasn't a pastry chef and there wasn't a rat involved. Current status: Still straight. Still assumed to be gay.

The Neighbor Guy: I had just moved into the West Hollywood apartment that I was sharing with a definitely gay man when our neighbor down the hall began hitting on me. I was single and new to the city and he and his friends took me under their wing. One night, we hit up Barney's Beanery on Santa Monica Blvd. with him and his friends dressed up as faux-British rockers (you had to see it to believe it) and I was their groupie. I wore a boa. I can't remember why that was a good idea. Nonetheless, we sorta had a brief thing and then it fizzled out. Mostly because he spent a good deal of his time with a bong attached to his face, playing Yahtzee and watching stupid movies. Um, no thanks. I like my men with brain cells. And I really hate Yahtzee. Too much math. Current status: Still high.

Jane, RIP


Sadly, one of my favorite magazines ever is dunzo. Jane closed up shop yesterday and the August issue will be its last. Which I guess means that my subscription is up. Good thing all the total cost was a mere 400 Northwest Airlines miles.

I really did find it to be a fantastic alternative to Cosmo or Glamour (both of which I pretty much despise).
So wah. I'm bummed. Good thing I have like 11 other magazine subscriptions to keep me happy. The only thing my frequent flier miles ever amounted to was a full mailbox (ok, and a trip home to CA in January).

Monday, July 9, 2007

Fun Facts About, Well, Me

My sister (aka Big Sis) sent this to me as an email forward. Instead of forwarding it, I decided to post it and y'all can do the same on your respective blogs, the comments, or send an email to shea@b5media.com. See - fun for everyone!.

Four jobs I've had:
1. Veterinary Tech
2. Office Manager for a yacht broker
3. Nordstrom Sales Associate
4. Counter girl at an ice cream/gourmet coffee shop

Four places I have lived:
1. Santa Cruz,CA
2. West Hollywood, CA
3. Rocklin, CA
4. Pleasanton, CA

Four Places I've been on vacation:
1. New York City
2. Vancouver
3. The Bahamas
4. Seattle

Four of my favorite foods:
1. Sushi
2. Hummus & pita
3. Margherita pizza
4. Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf Vanilla Ice Blended (does that count?)

Four places I would rather be:
1. Napping
2. Boulder, CO
3. The Italian Riviera
4. On a Barefoot Windjammer cruise with Linda B.

All right, y'all - get busy making your own lil' list!

Sunday, July 8, 2007

A Few Random Things

Only I could douse my body with insect repellant and still get eaten alive by mosquitoes.

Also, I saw lightening bugs tonight! Growing up in the Bay Area, I never saw a lightening bug. We didn't have the opportunity to catch them in jars or whatever. However, my sister, Ashley, and I used to catch worms after it rained.

And finally, my pal Jenelle sent me an email letting me know that she was cleaning house and found a bunch of things that I was welcome to take because they reminded her of me:
  1. A free car wash coupon
  2. A bottle of unopened, cheap vodka
  3. A partially used bottle of Aveda shampoo
If this is what one thinks of when they think of me, I must be making quite the impression. One of a mildly drunk girl who has lovely smelling hair and drives a dirty car.

I love it.

Sunday Dinner

Insalata Caprese is one of my favorite salads ever. It's beautiful (tricolore - meaning it has all of the colors of the Italian flag), easy to make and so very summery. I put my chef hat on this evening and got busy:

In case you were interested, the ingredients are simple: high quality tomatoes, fresh mozzarella, fresh basil, good olive oil and freshly ground sea salt and pepper to taste. Easy and yummy.

Even better, pair it with a glass of wine. Because I'm still on my quest to drink every Sauvignon Blanc at the liquor store, I chose to pop open this fantastic 2006 White Haven Marlborough Sauvignon Blanc (about $18). It's one of my all time faves. If you like a light, crisp and slightly dry white wine, this is a great bottle. I highly recommend picking a Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand because they tend to be a bit fruitier and easier to drink than anything from Napa, Chile, Washington or California's Central Coast. Though I'll feature a few from the other regions throughout the next week or so because wine at the liquor store today was 30% off (I love Sunday liquor sales) and y'all know I can't resist a good bargain. So I stocked up.


And thus concludes another edition of A California Girl in the Kitchen. Bon appetit!

Rats!

According to Perez Hilton (whom I love sometimes and hate other times, but mostly love since he did link to my Spencer/Heidi interview, thus causing 6 b5 Media servers to crash. That's validation for a lil' ol blogger like me. Anyway, I digress...) none other than Britney Spears showed up for church at Bel Air Presbyterian. Which I totally went to when I lived in LA. The only "celebs" that I ever saw there were a couple from The Amazing Race. I feel gypped.

By the way, I totally had to look up how to spell "gypped."

Saturday, July 7, 2007

Things I Don't Get #283

Bluetooth headsets that appear to be permanently attached to one's head. Hello, pretentious.

Friday, July 6, 2007

Well, It's About Time


An attempt to put Sunday alcohol sales at liquor and convenience stores to a citywide vote failed Thursday, allowing dozens of Wichita stores to immediately start selling all week long.

Alcohol sales will now be legal from noon to 8 p.m. on Sundays and many legal holidays. Stores still cannot sell on Easter, Christmas or Thanksgiving.

For many liquor stores, that will mean hiring extra workers to cover more shifts because owners feel they have to be open when their competition is.

But some also hope it will mean more sales and fewer people driving outside the city limits to spend money on Sunday suds.

"It's good for the customers, it's good for Wichita," said Ron Groves, a vocal proponent of Sunday sales and owner of Groves Discount Wine & Liquor.

Sedgwick County elections officials rejected 40 percent of the 8,171 petition signatures that Sunday sales opponent Wade Moore submitted.

Moore, the pastor of Christian Faith Centre, needed 6,701 valid signatures, but only 4,200 turned out to be valid. Elections Commissioner Bill Gale said the rest were from people who don't live in Wichita (including one person from Alabama), weren't registered voters or contained discrepancies between voter registration information and what was on the petition.

Although Moore voiced confidence throughout the petition drive, he said he wasn't surprised it failed in the end.

"We did everything that we were supposed to do," he said. "I just wish more people had gotten out and gotten behind it." Now that the petition is dead, some are already looking at the next step: allowing convenience stores to sell the same strength beer as liquor stores.

Convenience stores can sell only beer with a maximum alcohol content of 3.2 percent by weight. Past attempts to change that in the Legislature have failed.

Mike Thornbrugh, a spokesman for QuikTrip, said there's little difference between the 3.2 percent beer sold at gas stations and grocery stores and the domestic beers sold at liquor stores.

"It's just a great myth that everybody's bought into," he said.

The difference between convenience store beverages and those in a liquor store are almost impossible to gauge, said Phillip Bradley, executive director of the Kansas Licensed Beverage Association, a professional group composed of mostly on-premise retailers such as hotels, restaurants and bars.

While most beers' alcohol content is based on maximum percent per volume, Kansas convenience stores must get beer measured by weight.

Since alcohol content can vary and alcohol weighs less than most other substances, there's no true way to compare the two, Bradley said.

That, combined with differences in tax structures and licensing, have fatally complicated several attempts to change the law through the years.

Also, since Kansas liquor stores can't sell anything but alcoholic beverages, letting convenience stores sell the same cereal malt beverages opens the question of whether liquor stores should be able to sell other items.

"It is a terrible mess," Bradley said. "That's probably why it won't be resolved anytime soon."
I'm gonna go buy a bottle of wine on Sunday, just so I can say I did. I will never get these crazy liquor laws. Makes me think fondly of buying dinner ingredients at the grocery store and picking up a bottle of wine at the same time. Gasp! Or when Martine and I would swing by Safeway, unable to pay our bills, but perfectly capable of buying a six pack of Smirnoff Ice and frozen chimichangas (ahh... those were the days. Malt liquor and poverty...).


You can't legislate morality. You just can't. As soon as these crazy laws are off the books, maybe Trader Joe's will come to Wichita. And maybe I'll ride my unicorn to work and find a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow... *sigh*

Thursday, July 5, 2007

The Holiday

July 4, 2007 (a day in the life of ACGIK):
  1. 3:07 am - Get drunk dialed by two of my favorite California people. First off, 1 am in California is, uh, 3 am here. Second, my ringtone is a Dixie Chicks song and I thought my clock radio was going off and kept hitting it, wondering why it wouldn't shut off. Also wondered why the hell I had set it to 3 am on a holiday. Finally realized it was the phone. Fell back asleep.
  2. 6:55 am - Lola woke me up because she had to pee. We took care of business. Went back to sleep.
  3. 8:35 am - Lola woke me up again to do a doodie. I reluctantly got up.
  4. 9:00 am - Made banana pancakes (my specialty) and the world's largest nonfat iced latte with four shots of espresso.
  5. 10:30 am - Started reading The Intelligencer. Fell asleep again as I always do when reading in bed. Somewhat amazed that it was possible after four shots of espresso.
  6. 12 noon - woke up. Bummed around. Cursed my upstairs neighbor who was still playing his loud music. Called security in a fit of anger.
  7. 2:30 pm - Took off to the grocery store for snacks to bring over to Linda B's.
  8. 3:00 pm - Searched in vain for an open liquor store. Finally gave up and bought some 3.2 beer at the Kum & Go. Felt sort of repulsed for even going into the Kum & Go, but chuckled at its name for the one millionth time because I'm mature like that.
  9. 3:30 pm - Got to Linda B's. Drank a 3.2 beer. It was my first. Ever. We talked for a bit. Ate massive quantities of snack foods. Got bitten by two mosquitoes. Sprayed liberal amounts of insect repellent.
  10. 5:30 pm - Ate some BBQ. Felt full and jolly.
  11. 6:00 pm - Laughed maniacally as the sun faded and dark clouds rolled in. Rain began to fall. Shook my fist at everyone setting off fireworks in the neighborhood.
  12. 7:00 pm - Felt as though I was in a war zone. Shook my fist again. Yelled, "Curses!"
  13. 9:00 pm - Full of junk food and 3.2 beer, which did nothing but make me feel bloated, drove home.
  14. 9:15 pm - The Crush called! Woot! Talked for hours. Laughed a bunch. Scheduled a date for this weekend. Woot again!
  15. 11:45 pm - Washed, exfoliated, toned, and moisturized. Hopped in bed. Read. Read some more. Kept reading. Tossed and turned. Spooned The Pug. Peed. Peed again (3.2 beer - nuts!). More tossing and turning. Finally... zzzzzzzzzzzzz.....

Tuesday, July 3, 2007

STOP

Dear Upstairs Neighbor Man,

You are very loud. In fact, you are the loudest walker that ever roamed the earth. I didn't realize that it was possible to be a loud walker, but you have proved otherwise. Also, the jazz that you blast at all hours is getting Really. Frickin'. Old. I once walked upstairs with a beer as a peace offering and to request that you turn it down a notch (0r seven) and you couldn't even hear me knocking at the door. Which really was your loss because it's not often that cute girls knock at your door to bring you beer, but whatever.

I am already angry with Fireworks Man. I hate tonight. I am so going to buy a house as soon as my lease is up.

Your downstairs neighbor,

Shea

Why I Hate Fireworks, Part 2

A man is lighting fireworks in the parking lot right next to my apartment. At 10 pm. On a Tuesday. Tuesday, July 3rd, for that matter. Wait another day please, sir. I literally went out there in my underwear and yelled at him. 1. It's late. 2. You're 45 years old, standing in an apartment parking lot lighting fireworks on your own. 3. Not everyone wants to hear you blow up $300 of your hard-earned money. 4. I'll call security on your ass if you keep this up.

Things I Don't Get #264

Men who sunbathe.

Holiday. Celebrate.

You know what's weird? When your Tuesday is like your Friday. We get both Wednesday and Thursday off work. And then I'll be one of the very few who will come back to the office on Friday. I have absolutely no plans for the holiday, so I figured that I'd rather not burn up a day of vacation when I have things like weddings to attend in the fall and, ya know, hopefully a trip home for Christmas.

Anyway, speaking of this impending holiday, also known as the fourth of July, I'd like to bring up a topic that is near and dear to my heart. Those of you who've been around ACGIK for some time now are probably familiar with this speech, but I'm going to give it again.

Fireworks. What the heck is the point? I mean, seriously. I think it's just an excuse for men to blow stuff up. They're expensive, kinda dangerous and really not all that fascinating. I don't really even understand why cities spend thousands upon thousands of dollars on colorful explosions when they could be using that money to, oh, better the school system or pay for a stupid downtown arena.

I'm an even bigger fireworks hater because of the fireworks that continue to be set off AFTER the holiday. Like when you're sitting at home on a nice Thursday evening and the neighborhood sounds like it's under attack. It's rude and annoying and juvenile.

So yeah, I'm a fireworks hater. I'll never get it. I really won't. I mean, I don't hold it against everyone who likes fireworks, which is obviously the majority here. But I am never going to ooh and ahhh at a light show in the sky.

While we're at it, here are a few other things that I dislike: zoos, birds, people who spit in public, SUVs, Spangles (it's a Kansas thing), bugs, checking my voice mail, shorts, Pepsi, cooked broccoli, and men who send mixed signals.

So there you have it. Hmpf.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

The Luau in Brief

Um, I drank a few too many cocktails in my lil' coconut, did a Jazzercise routine for Jill, had too many Jell-O shots to count, ran into my favorite DG alum, got smacked on the tush once or twice, danced 'til I couldn't dance no more, ended up crying over nothing and sleeping on Jill's couch. And drunk dialing The Crush because I'm classy and smooth like that.

My mom is probably horrified right now. I don't blame her. I think I've officially been initiated into the Pig Roast hall of fame. Or shame. I'm in good company, however.

On a completely unrelated note, I broke my nose yesterday.