Wednesday, June 6, 2007

The Guylossary

In an effort to catch you up to speed on my current and former relationships, I've created a glossary of sorts. A guylossary to be more specific.

Here we go:

The Crush (or The Non-Crush, once referred to as The More Than Just a Crush): We've been on some dates, we've gone out for some drinks, we rented one foreign film. We've hit a bit of a speed bump and I'm really not sure what is going on at all. Current status: Unknown

The Ex With The Crazy Ex: Last serious relationship, circa last summer though the fall. Lots of sizzle then lots of fizzle. Had a crazy ex who called me once and I was frightened after that. Was kind of crazy himself. Current status: Still Crazy

The Thug: A brief summer fling right before TEWTCE who was younger and kind of a disaster. Was a gangsta in a former life. Had more drama than a Friday episode of General Hospital. Current status: Drunk Dialer

The Ex: Yes, just The Ex. The one I moved to Kansas for. Is a country boy. I clearly am not a country girl. Has some anger management issues. Wears tapered leg jeans. Do note that the previous two observations didn't occur until AFTER move to Kansas. Also regularly referred to as The Crier. Current status: Manged to Marry a Doctor (OMG - can you imagine the sobbing at that wedding?)

The Hollywood Producer: All was fine and dandy until he hired a stylist, acquired more hair products than me, and hit on an undercover narcotics officer at Coachella and disappeared for a bit because he was in the slammer. Current status: Probably Smoking a Doobie Somewhere

The Older Man: Possibly the biggest dating mistake ever. Was ten years older and acted ten years younger. Lied. A lot. Highly unreliable. Fake cried once or twice in a feeble attempt to gain sympathy. Should have taken lessons from The Crier. Current status: Likely Off Fathering Illegitimate Children

The Best Ex Ever/The Mun: Probably first real love. Best friend. Most awesome guy I know. We started as friends and remain friends. I wouldn't have it any other way. I laughed more with him than with anyone else - even doing lame stuff like examining our toes or playing car games to amuse ourselves. The guy who has set the bar high for all others. Current status: Happily Engaged (and I'm ecstatic for him)

...More guys to come and more gaps to fill in in the next edition of The Guylossary.

1 comment:

Kerry said...

cant wait to read your definitions of mr. flyover states and the infamous J.G.