Tuesday, July 10, 2007

The Guylossary, Part 2

The Nice Guy: His last name was Kay, which made me leery because, really, Shea Kay just sounds ridiculous. He was a pretty successful film guy. Owned a home in LA (an amazing feat for someone under 30) and took me out on lots of dates. Like, LOTS of dates. Our relationship was just a long succession of dates. The poor guy had lots of physical ailments while we were together - asthma attacks, bloody noses, diarrhea (this one is just a guess, but I'm pretty confident based on the noises coming from his stomach that I could hear from THE OTHER SIDE OF THE CAR). Current status: Still single. Still asthmatic. Still nice.

The Air Force Guy: Took me out on two dates and then it suddenly turned into fatal attraction. I had just found out that I got the job in LA and was moving in, oh, three days. He freaked out. You would have thought we'd been dating for years. I told him about the move over salads at Pluto's in Davis. He looked like he might cry. He called me for awhile after that. I never answered. Weirdest thing about the guy - he had photos from his trips overseas, only every photo was just of him. Him standing in front of some monument. Him eating dinner. Him drinking a beer. Hello, disturbing. Current status: Crazy.

The Computer Geek: Now, I love me some geek. Let's get that straightened out first. But I suddenly developed a crush on a geeky co-worker and the next thing you knew, he was crushing on me. Aside from several random kisses and a quasi-date, it never really went anywhere. But I think that was probably a good thing because a) he is the most forgetful human being on the planet and b) he does laundry like once every three months. Stinky and forgetful don't really do it for me. Current status: Still friends.

The Gay Straight Man: Ever watch Sex & The City? Remember when Charlotte starts to date her friend that she had always assumed was gay? He was a pastry chef and about fainted while making her breakfast when a rat darted across the kitchen floor. It was he who jumped up on a chair and started screaming, not Charlotte. And it ended. This was pretty much the same scenario with The Gay Straight Man except he wasn't a pastry chef and there wasn't a rat involved. Current status: Still straight. Still assumed to be gay.

The Neighbor Guy: I had just moved into the West Hollywood apartment that I was sharing with a definitely gay man when our neighbor down the hall began hitting on me. I was single and new to the city and he and his friends took me under their wing. One night, we hit up Barney's Beanery on Santa Monica Blvd. with him and his friends dressed up as faux-British rockers (you had to see it to believe it) and I was their groupie. I wore a boa. I can't remember why that was a good idea. Nonetheless, we sorta had a brief thing and then it fizzled out. Mostly because he spent a good deal of his time with a bong attached to his face, playing Yahtzee and watching stupid movies. Um, no thanks. I like my men with brain cells. And I really hate Yahtzee. Too much math. Current status: Still high.

1 comment:

Erin said...

Was he a gay straight man or a straight gay man?